SimpliF(L)Y Summer!

I love this photo of M.
A  beautiful Summer memory.

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.” ― Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums

Monday

Finally a blog update after two months of silence! :) How has your Summer been, so far?

Before I continue, my apologies for those, who visited my blog last Saturday, and did not see any published post.  I am not sure if somebody even :D noticed that  I wrote about my going back to "regular blogging" in my Instagram profile:

print screen of
@happyfeetnl
17.07.17

Plans

It was my intention to start posting blogs every Saturday.

Writing that intention in my Instagram profile was a way of making a commitment.  If or when somebody read it, did not really matter but the act of putting it "out there" is enough for me to prepare myself mentally and have something challenging to do, to look forward to.

Unfortunately, I felt unwell around Wednesday and by the start of the weekend, I was ill. So, Saturday evening I changed  Saturday to Monday as the day of my blog updates. My obsessive mind was soon put at ease!

Normally, you see, I would give myself a hard time about plans not getting accomplished as I envision them.  I would further on obsess mentally about the fact, that when I make plans, they go awry.

Yes, I have learned to be more flexible and less awful to myself!

Before I even became a runner, I've contemplated a lot of times on NEVER ever making any more plans in my life because plans going awry was more of a constant than plans going according to schedule and how I envision them.

It is against my nature, though; I have to make plans! I need the structure, the anticipation, the energy making plans gives me.

After receiving a Garmin watch, as a gift from a friend,
I made plans to use it as a tool to sit less and move more.
The goal was humble: 1000 steps a day.

The number of steps was not the main goal; it was the consistency of moving daily.

SimpliF(L)Y!

Why did I "ramble" on about plans of resuming blogging ;) instead of diving into the update of my marathon training?!

9 weeks and 5 days to go!!!

Well, it is because in the process of training for my second Berlin Marathon, I went through significant transformations: mentally and physically, which made me happier and life feel so much lighter.

Mondays, making plans, and simplifying are just some of the topics that I would like to get into before I share the statistics and details of my marathon training.

These topics are things I had difficult issues with my entire life, and now I am getting better at them.  Significantly. All because of my marathon training.

I won't get into all of these topics on this blog! It will be too much for a single post.

One major thing I can share right now about my Berlin 2017 marathon training: the process has thus far been very rewarding; it  continues to make me happy and I can't wait to run the marathon in September.

Quote

Let me direct your attention once again to the quote at the beginning of this blog. 

If you are a long time reader, you know by now that I almost always start my blogposts with a quote.

I have 5 reasons for this:

1. I love collecting quotes and my blogposts are my way of archiving them.

2. Quotes are my meditative mantras; searching for a  "quote for the day" puts me in a positive mindset, before my day has even begun.

3.  The words in the quote  I chose for particular blogposts gives me something to focus on, when I write. The message behind the quote often makes me feel more centred and confident in writing the message, I would like to convey.

4. I always hope, that reading the quote at the beginning of a blog post gives my blog readers a clue about what my blog is going to be about or gives them the emotions behind the message I am trying to convey.

source: Google Images

(Daily) Blogging & Simplifying

Simplifying life has always been my personal goal and more so, ever since my second daughter was born 15 years ago.  The weight of motherhood seemed daunting the second time around.  My way of coping with situations I feel will be challenging is to either write my feelings about them or find solutions by reading a book(s)!

the book I bought in Germany
on the 5th of July, 2002
a month before my second daughter was born
(28th of August)

In 2011, 2 years after we moved to the Netherlands, I created the blog "My Daily Mooosings in the Netherlands" .  I wanted to document our "new life".  I also wanted to hold myself accountable to my goal of simplifying life.  I did this by focusing on the positive things in our lives, and by writing those thoughts in blog form rather than in my journals.

Week 26

Mixing it up a bit: I began the week with an LDR-
LOVED it!
17.9 km run
10th of July

I  have yet to accomplish a 365 blogging project in my 11 years of blogging (my blogging life began September 2006, as an anonymous blogger). 

Blogging about my marathon training (even if I have most of those blogposts in draft mode - currently 14 posts unpublished -  from my marathon training 2017 !) and how I have been dealing with the setbacks, have given me back the zest for blogging, I somehow lost or lose periodically.

I am contemplating on embarking (yet again!) on a 365 blogging project. Making plans...

The difference this time is, it will be a daily celebration of recording life, versus the process being a personal challenge (i.e proving to myself, I can do it!).  We will see, how it goes. ;)

from my Instagram Story
10th of July, 2017

Training for a Marathon 

The adventure of running 42 kilometres, the preparation, helps me simplify my life, the life I share with my beloved family.

M and I were photographed by the official graduation photographer while taking a photo of J.

Eldest after her graduation from middle school!

It truly lifts my spirit high to look back at 26 weeks of work I have put into Berlin marathon training -including the ups and the downs marathon preparation brings.

I soar with the thought, that almost 6 years after I made the plans, that I will run the marathon  in Berlin 2012 in my 40's, I am still running 5 years, later. I am confident, that I will continue to be a runner for many more years to come. As long as I am physically able to.

Week 15
My second medal in 2017

26th of April

Week 17

8th of May

Week 17

9th of May

Week 12

My first race in 2017

2nd of April

 OH, the Stats!

If you can no longer wait ;) 😄for future blogposts to see some marathon training stats, here you go! :D

I am truly proud, 22 days to my 6th RUNniversary, to share the mileage I have ran.

It is incomplete because I was not able to keep the records of my running statistics from August 2011 - August 2012.  Nevertheless! This fact, tiny detail in the big scope of things, does not diminish my sense of accomplishment.

January - July 2017

I began training for my first 5K on the 8th of August 2011

It was not until August 2012, a month before I was to run Berlin Marathon that I won a Nikeplus Sportswatch.

This watch was the first ever gadget, that helped me record my running statistics.

August 2012 - July 2017

P.S. Keep On Keeping On

Thank you, if you made it this far. :) I hope you did.

I hope, if you have been a regular reader, that you will take "hope" with you, after reading this post.

Hope for things to  get better. Hope that you can accomplish a lot with small continuous, consistent steps.

There has been extreme highs and extreme lows in my life.  I can tell you now with confidence, life goes on and it gets (yes, it always eventually does!!!) better, the more we all exert a little bit more effort to try to get to the next day.

Writing, documenting life, running, they are my tools to cope & at the same time celebrate life. You can choose your own tool. We all have what it takes to overcome life's hurdles and challenges.

I wish you luck! Hopefully, I'll "see you"again, here. Soon!

My last Instagram Story for July, 2017!

I used it to announce my blogging come back.

CORRECTION on the day and dates!

It'll be every Monday: on the24th & 31st of July.

We'll see how it goes for August.

What's Up Buttercup?

Before I publish BACK TO BERLIN Week 13 - 17 marathon training updates, I had to write a post "glueing" these weeks to Week 18. 

One of my mini-goals on the way to running the Berlin Marathon 2017 is to have a "seamless" documentation of my marathon training. 

I have not been able to (personally) satisfactorily achieve this in the 3 previous marathons (2012: Berlin, Amsterdam; 2013:Paris) I finished. Nor did it happen in my attempts after 2013.

Marathon training had often helped me successfully implement changes in my life, which I struggled to realise or was too mentally blocked to complete.   There is something about the structure of marathon training that makes me, simply put : get things done; things, which  I usually procrastinate on.

One of the many things on my "get it done list" is to write a blog post shortly after a difficult period during marathon training.

A blog going back to business but also acknowledging the fact, I went through a depressive episode.
A blog sharing how I got over it, how I am moving on, how recording my process helps me, and how I hope sharing it will help others, may they derive strength from it, during their own difficult period. 

Writing after recovering from a mental health issue, is a ritual (before blogging, I wrote in my personal journals), I often - very often! - skip. After many years, I realized it is necessary for me to write recovery thoughts to help myself heal faster and prevent relapses.

So, here we go.

a snapshot I took after yesterday's run, in between biking home

"The buttercups, bright-eyed and bold,

Held up their chalices of gold

To catch the sunshine and the dew."

- Julia C. R. Dorr, Centennial Poem, line 165.

Yesterday . . .

I ran my 47th training marathon training run in Spanderswoud. It was the hottest run I've ran so far in 2017.  Many said (I did not check the temperature) it was a 28 degrees Celsius day.

Besides the hot and humid climate of the day, what sets this run apart from all the other run was it's "unpredictability".  I changed every direction I took seconds after I checked in with my brain. 

"Mind Games; Meditation in Motion"

What does this mean? I'll try to explain it as simple as I can: the moment I am about to follow what I planned to do, I changed it seconds before I  put myself into action, towards the direction I have to go to follow "the plan".  

For example, yesterday, my route was Loodijk.  I also call it The Windmill route; this is my favourite 5K route.  There are no cars to watch out for, the roads are well maintained, and I can focus on a steady pace because there are not a lot of visual distraction. The path is for the most part, a straight meditative wide space.

After 5 years of running, I revised this route.  2017 5K Loodijk route goes like this: I bike out of our village (almost a mile), and park my bike in front of Restaurant Loodijk.  From there, I start running and as soon as I hit 3 km, I turn to go back the same direction I came from, and end my run at Restaurant De Molen.


My running schedule varies but I always seem to run this route while the restaurant is still closed.

This gives the opportunity to do a few easy short yoga poses in peace before I head back home. I love looking back at work out pictures with the windmill behind me. :)

I have come to call this windmill route my Zen zone.

Spanderswoud

So, how did I end up in Spanderswoud?  

Picnic with M in Spanderswoud
20th of April, 20117

M is personification of fun. Always full of ideas. Always a great energy to be with,

Left, Right, OR Straight Ahead ? Surprise!

I had to create a "Surprise!" moment for my brain to get it "excited", tickle my neurons out of it's inertia, shut the door to the interlopers mania and melancholia.

"Surprising my brain" - keeping it guessing - is  something I do, when my mental block becomes extremely hard to break through or I broke through a major mental block and I feel a new one coming on. 

Is it healthy to practice this method?  Is it counter-productive in the long run? These and many other questions are something I don't dwell on - yet.  It  is a method, that works for me, and as long as I don't have a better one, I will continue to use it.

How did I do this yesterday?

When I finally got myself out of the house, and on my bike, I turned right instead of biking straight on towards Loodijk.  This "surprising my brain in split second" was what I did the next 36 minutes and 44 seconds of my run in Spanderswoud.





It was fun because it was like going through my own spontaneous created maze.  The activity distracted me from obsessing about the heat.

Marathon Training: Week 15-17

2017 running stats, so far

I've been terribly struggling mentally since Week 15.  It was a rapid swing from bad to worst state of mind,  and the time of respite in between was not even sufficient to get back from bad to even a simple okay.

The same old story.  After weeks of great positive flow (14 weeks - not bad in hindsight!) , I dove and fell flat on my face and before I can utter the words, "Not this again!", I am physically weighed down by my depressed body.

This recent experience has led me to the decision of seeking help and taking medication once again, after almost a decade of doing without.

A Minute...

------------------------------------ just a minute, please ------------------------------

I write this post to have something to come back to.  

This is - as I often say in my blogs of the same mind-decluttering kind - not a self-pity party post, OR "I need help" silent cry in the internet (I will ask, if I do need help. Something I have learned the hard way, and practice as often as I can to not lose the skill...), or "look at me, look at how strong I am, and how I prevail...".

No.  This is a documentation. This is me hoping, what I document will help me in my process.  This is me hoping, what I document will help someone else in their process

------------------------------------ read on; thanks. :) -------------------------------

A minute of planking is a meditative minute

My Mind in a Basket (Case)

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
A ya-ya-ya

Grasping to control
So I better hold on

- Green Day

Yesterday, I broke through my stubborn mental block (it started creeping in at Week 15 and it got worst between Week 16, and persisted in Week 17),   of going out for a  run.

I have another blog still in draft (written on the 4th of May), which I wrote when I was able to pull myself out of inertia mid-way through Week 15.

As soon as I have the time and peace to work on that blog again, I will continue to put in details the many things I did to help myself through this episode of depression.  I got a great run after writing that unpublished blog, in Week 17.

In brief, what always help me stay strong during my depression, and eventually help me recover, are these:

1. The knowledge, that I have been through the same thing, the same cycles before and manage to come out of it, again and again.  I've been recording my process in my journals since I was a teen-ager, and in 2006, I started writing blogs anonymously.  Between 2011-2012, is when I slowly publicly wrote blogs about how life is with with bipolar disorder, my rapid cycles of depression; how I deal with them and strive to focus on a simple life - a life with quality with my family.
2. The generous and unwavering support of my family, friends near and far, and kindred souls on the net, whom I have yet to meet in person but through the years, have been catalysts in helping me, help myself in ways that changed my life for the better.
3. Words of kindness.  Words of inspiration. Words of empowerment.  They are everywhere and we all receive them, when we meditate, pray, or ask the universe for them.
4. Baby steps.  This is powerful. If you've suffered from minor, major depression or have helped or witnessed someone who went through or is going through depression, you know each step, no matter how seemingly random, mediocre, or seemingly pointless - a step is a step. A step is a small movement towards improvement.
5. Helping others.  It seems ironic that at a time, I obviously need the help, thinking of helping others makes me get better.

Stop and Smell the Flowers...

“The earth laughs in flowers.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

No. 5 on the list of what helps me stay strong and recover from depressive episodes, has come to be one of the main source of positive energy for me.

"Be there for others". These words are words I encounter  the most in my search to make sense of depression, living life with depression, making the best of life with depressive episodes and moving on and living a good in life in spite of scars left behind by each depressive cycles. 

Experts in mental health share this wisdom; people who went through with and still are dealing with mental health issues, when they share their experiences in books, or in various mental health websites - they all speak and write about : being there for others as a way to get yourself out of your head, and  out living life, as one should.

I know I am strong. I know there is a now, and a future for me, where the stories of how I face, and overcome my mental pain and struggles will help alleviate the pain and struggles of someone else.

Last night my partner - exhausted from a day of "everything went wrong" day at work - laid his head on my lap.  He told me for the hundredth time, how he enjoys me caressing his head, running the palm of my hand  up and down his back.  He sighed almost close to falling asleep, how my voice  (no matter, what I am talking about! :D) soothes him, and can put him to a peaceful slumber. 

As I ran my hand through his hair, and ran my palm up and down his back, I renewed a much repeated promise: I will share my story. Repeatedly. I will write my story.  Leave a written legacy for our girls, for those who need the story, for those  who want to understand, for those who do not want to feel alone.

A story of how someone never gave up, how no one should ever give up on life, and how  we can all keep finding ways to not let mental health issues become an enemy but a source of inspiration on being there for others, living, loving, persevering, understanding and sharing.

Sharing is Caring.

Do you have a story to share? Besides sharing your own keep moving stories, stories of helping and being a friend, do you have any other ways of "being there" for someone, who struggles (with or without mental health issues) ?  I always love to read and learn more from others and their experiences.

Please share your story, or questions in the comment box. OR send me a message via Facebook (click the link on the caption above or click on the link at the right side of this page to be redirected).  Or reach out via email: happyfeetinthenetherlands@gmail.com.

The story we share of helping others and ourselves can empower many.

HAPPY FEET IN THE NETHERLANDS

created 18th of  May, 2017 11:00 

(Spiegel- en) Blijkpolderplas (HFNL AtoZ Challenge 2015)

Have you read my brief introduction to this challenge?

If not, here is the link: Introducing HFNL A to Z Challenge 2015

My personal blogging theme for this year: the places I have been in the Netherlands.  

At Happy Feet in the Netherlands (HFNL), I'll be writing about the places (which is not only limited to city, towns or villages but may also include restaurants, stores - places we go for hikes, where we sailed etc.) from the perspective of a runner.  

The blogs @ My Daily Mooosings in the Netherlands on the other hand will be from a perspective of an expat, mom, traveler, writer, who seeks to simplify life.

Today, "we go to" : (Spiegel -en) Blijkpolderplas.

(Spiegel -en) Blijkpolderplas

Beautiful view, huh?!

Every time I commit to blogging challenges, I am instantly  reminded why I love doing them even though life is actually too busy, and it takes a lot of effort to do a daily log.  Time is there. The energy to make the effort is often times lacking, though.

This is sometimes the same scenario with running.

It is not until you are in motion that you remember how invigorating it is; running rejuvenates the body, while writing gives the mind the opportunity to relax and at the same time be filled with many creative ideas.

I mentioned at My Daily Mooosings in the Netherlands, that I will be running again today along the lake (plas  in Dutch).

Bergse pad

the path leading to Spiegel- en Blijkpolderplas

taken last Monday, 30th of March

But since tomorrow the girls will begin their long Easter weekend, I will do it tomorrow, instead. This way I could spend some quality evening time with P instead, and I could also bring the girls with me to the lake tomorrow.  They could bike while I run my 8 km.

How do you balance your daily life that you find time to blog and still find quality time with your family?

Simplifying & New HappyFeetNL Beginnings in Spring

EDIT 09.04.15: Due to many personal reasons (many things going on!), I won't be able to update on the yoga and meditation challenge. I'll be doing them because I need it for my balance and strength but will not do so in a challenge setting.  I'll update you with my progress in the future.  For now, as the title say, "I'll be simplifying!"  There is time enough in the future to record it here for you to be a part of the process, too. :) xo

Yesterday, after writing the blog update on how I am dealing with the huge probability of giving up on running Rotterdam Marathon, I felt how my mental disposition changed positively.

There are 5 simple goals  I feel happy to have accomplished since 2015 began; the training for Rotterdam Marathon, which started for me at the last quarter of 2014,  played a key role in fulfilling them:

1. Blogged more.
2. Ran more.
3. Gained more courage to interact and create awareness on social media about mental health disorder.
4. Wrote more often and open about how it is to be a runner with bipolar disorder.
5. Took small simple but necessary steps to regain a more structured life.

All these accomplished goals have become clearer to me because of the marathon updates I have written.  Every little step, every little activity was a part of what I hope will be a huge improvement at the end of the year.

Sometimes it takes the "deterioration" of one's health to make one reevaluate where one stands in life, and whether the path is still where you are suppose to be to reach where you would like to be.   

Sometimes it takes a road block to make one turn around,  and acknowledge how far one has come, and to recognize that a detour does not mean one has to go back where one has started but it only means one has to take a new direction to reach one's destination.

Today, I signed up @ DoYouYoga, that I can go back to practicing yoga, and begin with meditation in a more structured manner. 

When I got stuck while training for Berlin marathon, I joined the gym.  My first intention was to simply inject strength exercises in my training.  This is when and where I discovered I enjoy yoga classes, and many other fitness activities.

I am having a hard time going back to the gym, so this is my baby step to get back to the positive flow - follow online classes.

If you are a member of the site, please send me a follow request, that we could support and encourage each other along the way.

HappyFeetNL 
on
DoYouYoga

I began spontaneously this morning with the meditation course, and felt great.  10 minutes was all I needed, and I felt I have accomplished a good step towards the right path.

What are you doing to simplify keeping fit this Spring? How do you create new beginnings after encountering set backs?

I wish you joy as you continue your own pursuit to a healthier lifestyle, and more to your efforts of creating a stronger you.

Love the positive spirit that DoYouYoga spread: reboot, revive, rejoice!

A great Spring motto, don't you think? :)

Bipolar Runner: A Face Behind A Name

“Some seek the comfort of their therapist's office, other head to the corner pub and dive into a pint, but I chose running as my therapy.” 

― Dean Karnazes, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner

Today I had very thoughtful and meaningful conversations, which gives me courage to talk here about something that is important to me: mental health.

It was not a planned date*** but something that happened rather spontaneously.  

I needed help, and I could have skipped asking for help, and as always simply do things on my own - find a way.

But this year, I promised myself to reach out, even more than I started doing a year ago. Share "myself", "my life beyond the daily life" "my burden or what I perceive as such".

In other words let the load of (my) life lighten a bit by reaching out to others, who I love, I care for, admire and respect. "Let people be a part of the whole you!", I said to myself.

Even though I have discussed about mental health issues privately, and later on openly writing about it through (at the beginning) FB posts, and later on in my own public blogs (since I began writing anonymously 5 years before I started publishing public blogs), it remains a struggle to talk openly about it.

Somehow, I feel that since I've talked about it privately, and openly, there is a deadline, that I have to meet, that I would no longer talk about it OR when I do, that people will expect me to say, "It's gone! I am healed, and I am now living a life that is free from mental health issues and problems!"

Reality is, mental health issues are lifelong issues for many, some learn to live a life of quality inspite of it.  Others, well, sadly they give up after going through cycles and cycles of pain and shame.

My own "issues" have improved. Still, they remain ever present. I have learned to live better with them. I have now more wisdom to cope better. I have surrounded myself with people, who cares deeply about me, as I of them and they see beyond what the eyes cannot see.

I was diagnosed (in 2003) with bipolar disorder after yearsof repeated cycles of depression. (the cycles of depression began from 1994; although I begun feeling "strange", since I was 14).   Every time I share this to people, I know for a long time, they say the same thing, "I would not have known."

Having a name for what prevents you from having a stable life, does make a difference.

It gives you the opportunity to "reveal" parts of the struggle without having to tell your whole story.

You have a name, that gives you hope, that there would be cure for it, and eventually you will be free from it.

You have a name to share with others, who are going through the same. A name you can say, and you can recognize and nod understandingly, "Yes, I know your battles. You are not alone."

Between the diagnosis and the acceptance that you have something that you will perhaps have to deal with the rest of you life, are strings of broken relationships, disappointments, sadness, anger, frustration. Eventually, in time comes: self-discovery, self-acceptance and yes, LOTS of meaningful encounters, that matters & changes your life for the better.

Why do I share my story?

Well, it is for a random reader out there, who has no words, who feels she/he has to keep silent, has to keep it a secret that it takes her/him more effort than others to deal with life.

I write this for you. YOU are not alone. There is hope, there is healing and there is acceptance.

The only thing you have to do? Never give up.

(EDIT 24.03.15 : I read this article yesterday @ Tiny Buddha (What To Do When You're in Pain and Need Help),  and thought I would write a blog today about what I thought after reading this article.  Since I am not sure if I could, I thought I will edit the link to the article for now, so I won't forget about it. I thought it fitting to add it to this blog.)

(EDIT 24.0315:
A P.S. to this blog...
Spontaneous interaction*** - unfathomable but true, I almost forgot that I wrote this blog! It was while I deliberated what I will do with the link I edited above that it occurred to me I wrote a blog with the message about reaching out, when ones needs help.

It took me a minute to remember, who I had spent an obviously great  talk with because it lasted 3 hours, which is a shame, so I thought I will add a P.S. to this blog not only for the reader but for me as well.

Let me just add that the reason I often leave out the name of the people I meet is because I am not always confident of how they would feel about my blogs.  Even though often, I do asked in advance if I could mention their names, or even add their photos.

The lovely people I spent hours of inspiring talk are  mom and daughter originally from South Africa. I met the daughter 2 years ago because her child were in the same kindergarden class as our youngest.  They're both Dutch; the mom still reside there while the daughter moved here during her studies.

I have became friends with the daughter even though we rarely spend time together.  When we do the meetings are always heartfelt, and I consider her a lovely person.

She'll be climbing Alpe d'Huez for a good cause, in support of finding cure and treatment for cancer.

I hope this lends a bit more clarity to this blog post.)