Monday, June 11, 2012

Day 11: The Story of "The Running Story"

Day 11 : 15 Weeks : 5 Days

On my (edit 09.07.13 - old deactivated) Facebook account, I created an album journal when I finally begun with running. I felt it was going to be a huge help if I share what my goal was with my family and friends, and get the needed moral support.  Specially, when I am not feeling specially motivated.

It's been over 9 months since I created that album journal dedicated to running, which I called, The Running Story - A Journal.  It is where I recorded my first 5K, my first 4M, and my first 8K in images and journals.

The very first training day, with the thought: it's NOW or NEVER! 8th of August, 2011

First 5K - 28th of August, 20 days after I begun training to run
18th of September, my first Dam tot Damloop, and my first 4M


Goal achieved - ran first 8K and finished at the Olympic Stadium in Amsterdam, 16th of October

After it became full (FB - at least in my case - limits an album created to 200 images), I created another album, and called it, The Running Story Continues - A Journal. There I recorded my training with mijn liefste P for our first Run2Day Halloween Run in Amsterdam, and the run itself.  It also archived my first Amsterdam Olympic Stadium Run, where I run my first 10K, and three consecutive missed running events due to illness.



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After convalescing, I continued with my running, and continued journaling it in this album journal.  I went on to record my first Vondelparkloop (6.7 kms), my first Tuesday run with the Amsterdam Running Junkies, my first Zandvoort Circuit Run, where I achieved my first Sub40 in a 5K.

my first Vondelparkloop (6.7 kms)

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All that happened in the first three months of the year.

After Zandvoort, I felt strong, confident and excited for all my scheduled run in the month of April.  I had a running event scheduled almost every Sunday: a 5K during the Jaarbeurs Utrecht Marathon, a 5K in Hilversum City Run and the highlight was the Hamburg Marathon Relay at the end of the month.




I was able to share images of the first two events in the album albeit only snippets of those experiences.  When my dream of participating in Hamburg Marathon was fulfilled - I waited almost 2 decades to fulfill it! - I sank in a hole somehow.


I did share a couple of images from Hamburg but did not include it in the album but in another album.

Today, I finally added another image to that album, and as it's title said, "The Running Story Continues..."

Below is the image and the story I shared with it:

It's Not Always About PR (Personal Record)

It's been quiet for sometime now, in this album journal.

I had another massive attack of writer's block, a huge portion of paralyzing self-doubt, and yes a good dosage of anxiety.

Pretty, ironic since it happened right after another fulfilled dream - finally being a part of Hamburg marathon event, something I've dreamed of doing for decades. Something, I could not have done without the help of running sisters!

All the self-inflicted pressures weighed heavy on me.

It took weeks, a couple of months time to be exact and a lot of support from family, friends - specially sisterhood and brotherhood (blogging, running, soulfriends) to remind me, that it's okay to be me, and follow my path, and make a change (even if a tiniest ripple), in the process of trying to make myself a better person. May this be a better mom, partner, sister or better friend, or better runner, or better part of the community engage in social issues.


The thoughts below were my confusion of the last couple of months...

Was I stupid to register for a marathon, even if it's a childhood dream, and I am slowly, steadfastly working on the goal, which is simply: to finish it!

Why am I putting myself out there to be possibly made a fool for sharing my thoughts, emotions, what I care for, what I am passionate about through my blogs...will it reach out anyone? Will it even make a tiny ripple to change the world positively?

Will people ever understand that people, who suffer from depression, from bipolar-disorder are not lazy, thoughtless, or irresponsible? They don't need to be pitied, they don't need things solved or done for them. They need self-empowerment, which can only truly be given to them by themselves. What helps the healing of people, who suffer through it, is kindness, patience and understanding....

I lost a friend, this month. No, the friend did not pass away, only our friendship died. I cried my insides out since this friend, knew me from the inside out, or at least I thougth so.


In the end, this friend gave me a powerful lesson. Something so very old, everyone must know it, and we do know it really, but it is so very hard to remember.

I can only be me, and my how I struggle to be me, and be true to myself, and still fight the urge to please everyone for acceptance and love.

Connection. We all want to feel connected, even as we struggle with our own identiy, and individualism. We all want to belong.

It's hard to belong when you struggle with yourself. Somehow, it always communicate wordlessly. Your fears and insecurities are mirrored and reflected back to you, when you are with others. This is when miscommunication arises...

Only when you are at peace with yourself will you recognize, and not constantly feel the nagging doubt that somebody is against you or disapprove you, judges you or rejects you.


See the yellow man in the collage? It's suppose to be a representation of myself, according to the racing results. From way behind of the pack, I am working myself in the middle.

Should it mean anything else than a visual aid to kick my bum (scusi) to train better? Or is it symbolically there to show that I am better person, runner, or the opposite of it all....

At least for me it tells a different story.

Running gave me back my mental and physical strength. It's not my religion but a bearer of the message, "Yes, indeed, step by step, we can be strong and we can reach our goal, and have clarity that it's only ourselves, that stands in our way."





If you are wondering about how I am blogging about my first marathon experience, please read:

Berlin Marathon 2012 Odyssey: An Attempt @ Daily Blogging

42 comments:

  1. Wow! You are truly inspirational, and I think I've told you this over and over.. haha.. I definitely agree that running isn't just about personal record. It's more than that, and I really wish that I get on to running too soon. No more excuses! ^^

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    1. I look forward from hearing the news of you finally running, Sumi! :)

      It's really all about baby steps. Power walking combined with half a minute of jogging, every 5 minutes, perhaps could usher you slowly in this sport.

      You won't regret it!

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  2. I love how you discovered running to be part of your life.. To help you grow in so many ways and reach your goals.. Slowly but surely! :) keep running and follow your dreams! :)

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  3. i need to get that mentality, such a great post ^^ which reminds me of the guys on youtube who made run for japan for the tsunami, running with a cause :)

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    1. Thank you aMz!

      It took a while for me to be in the running zone, both mentality and physically.

      If I can, everyone can! :)

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  4. I love this post because I can so relate to it as well. I've lost a best friend last year (he didnt pass away too lol) but it was just so heartbreaking but nonetheless, a blessing because it made me realize that in the process, I let the other person define me. I needed to find my old self back.

    But going back to running; I've only ran 21KM; and I miss it! I like the feeling of it, besides, it's a great way to be alone with my thoughts while still doing something... productive haha!

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    1. I'm sorry about losing your friend. It's not ever easy, is it? But I am glad you found a positive way to come out of the experience.

      Wow! 21K! Impressive. :) I yet to run that distance, but I plan (need to!) this month. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly - it is indeed a great way to be alone with your thoughts, and contribute to a good health!

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  5. Congratulations for having such progress! Your post is so heartwarming and I hope a lot of people (especially the judgmental ones) can read this for them to realize that being humble & understanding is very important.

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    1. Thanks for the empowering words, Eunice! :)

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  6. very inspirational :) running as a part of your life while I never have that. I always have esxcuses though I always want to do it.. lazy -.-

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    1. Thanks, Em!

      As I've previously wrote, if I can, anyone can. :)

      My goal is to motivate others, not to wait too long to start with it. I am 40, and wishing I was 20, and running!

      I do have the enthusiasm of a 20 y.o. only have to work to have the stamina of 20 y.o.!lol

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  7. Congrats on your 9 months of running! I guess running is not for everyone, I only experienced it once and it's just a 5K run and I never joined any running events since then... Well, its because I got pregnant... Continue to strive and reach your goals, I admire you for your dedication in running. Good Luck! :)

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    1. Thanks, Meiyah!

      Hopefully, you will be motivated to join again after you give birth. Although here in Europe, I've observed they continue to be active even during pregnancy. I walked a lot myself, when I was pregnant and it helped tremendously for the birthing process.

      You have to consult your doctor about this of course!

      But all I know, I wished I did not wait until my girls were bigger to start with running because I destressed best, when I run.

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  8. Nice to read your running story. It's an enduring process in the sense that we keep trying to go at a faster pace or a longer distance but one thing that you should always be constant, you should always enjoy the process and activity of running. Happy Running!

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    1. Thanks bro! I am inspired by your own running journey. :)

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  9. I admire your courage in pursuing your dream so dont ever doubt your decision as long as it makes you happy. Plus I dont see any problem joining the marathon as long as your fit to do it. My husband is training as he wants to join Iron man challenge or at least any triathlon event although I'm about hesitant with his decision I am just there to support his dream as well

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    1. Thank you, Liezelice! I appreciate your positive thoughts!

      I am simply humbled by the support I get from my family, specially from my husband.

      I can say, that your husband is very lucky to have you supporting him!

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  10. Depression. I believe that each of us experience this once in a while in our life. There those moments that the depression is so deep that it made us think that it is hopeless, that there will be no end to misery.

    I experienced depression many times in the past and I know that depression may still come the future.

    It is a part of our life but it is not the end of life. If running is your "medicine" against depression, then you must continue running!

    God bless you and run run run! :-)

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    1. Thanks, Ishmael. :)

      I am very grateful that running works in reducing the cycle of depression. It's not the only way to cope with it, but I am glad I have it.

      Delete
  11. I've seen running recommended to people who suffer from mild depression. So it doesn't just help in the physical health but in the mental health as well. Keep running :)

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    1. Thank you, Unsugarcoated Reviews!

      Yes,running truly is an all around balsam for body and mind. :)

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  12. I used to be a runner forawhile too. I run but not so far and so fast though . But what's important to me is to finish the race. Running sometimes is a therapy for me.

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    1. Hope you can pick up with running again, Juanderfulpinoy!

      Yes, it's not about how fast we can go, but how we finish a run. :)

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  13. Everyone of us feel a need to accomplish something in particular. We sometimes feel depressed when it seems we are going nowhere with it but feel exhilarated when we're done. Follow your passion for running.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughtful words, Teresa! It's full of wisdom. :)

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  14. Congrats! Running has never been part of my life because frankly speaking, I hated it so much. But after reading it, I should try it for myself!

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    1. Thanks, Renz!

      Hopefully, your second attempt at trying running will come out positively.

      Delete
  15. A Big congratulation. I use to be runner, but because of my work I'm not. but your story make me go for it =)

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    1. Thanks, Philip!

      Good luck on returning to running. :)

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  16. Cool! I love running too! I'm hoping to run 10k soon.


    Cooking Like a Pro

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    1. Good luck on your goal, Beingwell! :)

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  17. inspiring.. strong... fulfillment thanks for this wonderful share.. i am just not into running.. but I truly dig what you want to say to us..

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  18. I'm not into running but then I'm quite curious with your post. So i started reading and somehow I felt the inspiration, the energy and your passion. Yes I believe running (or any form of physical activity) is beneficial to us, psychologically, physically, mentally! Kaya I salute you! Keep it up!

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  19. wow... nakaya ang 9 months... inspiring po ito :)

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  20. I kinda missed running a few years back.

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  21. Running is more than just a sport, it has the ability to change lives tos and inspire others. Great post!

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    1. Thanks, Yani! :)

      Running did and is still is changing my/our life/lives.

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If I can run, so can you: big dreams are reached with baby steps!