#13HappyHalves Update : 1 to go to 21!

From left to right:

Bredase Singelloop Half-Marathon  2016
Eindhoven Half-Marathon 2016
Amsterdam Half-Marathon 2016


“The more that you read, the more things you will know. 
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.” 

― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

The Busy Brain is Not A Truly Productive Brain.

The collage above  is not the best version; it is a print screen version.

I wanted to share this version as a mental exercise for myself.  

Share it, step back and be happy with it.

The reason for this, is the same reason, as to why I got the second edition of (2016) #13HappyHalves done: 
I did not over-think  it (the project), I simply did it.

My mental exercises are almost never structured. They arise, when there is a need for it, and the more unexpected, unpredictable the exercise is, the more effective it will be.

I mentioned this strategy before in one of my blogpost (I will link it here, later). 


Yes, I trick my brain to get things done.

My Gain is Yours.

In this  Happy Feet NL's 180th blogpost, I would like to start the countdown towards my 200th blog -  also share here, and in the next 20 blogs (!!!)  knowledge and lessons,  I've gained and learned through running. A lot of running. :)

I think, even if you do not have mental health issues, like myself (I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, 14 years ago, after a decade of dealing silently with depression) you would be familiar with mental blocks, anxiety, self-doubt, and  the universal behaviour of procrastination!

There were many race events that I had to run four times before I let go of self-doubt; there were many training miles ran before I devised a ritual and learned coping mechanism for  my anxiety attacks, and when I am riddled with mental blocks. I think I have accumulated a lot of tips and will continue to add to the list of how not to procrastinate because I still deal with procrastination on running, even after 6 years!

My intention to share is not purely out of magnanimity ;)  - I have to be honest and say, I am getting very forgetful and need to write these "knowledge and lessons" for myself before they are completely forgotten!  I think many runners will agree, that lessons learned in running are very applicable to our daily lives.

Breda Singelloop 2017

picture courtesy of MeeùsFitClub 
taken by Wietse Visser Photography

Trick AND Treat!

Going back to the picture at the header of this post.  The simple act of choosing a photo to begin a blogpost  would have been a mental block. If I had let it!  If I gave in to the need to search for the original pictures, the activity alone would have eaten so much time and drained me mentally. I would have ended up with no blogpost at the end of the day, like what has happened often in the past.

I let go of my "perfectionism" with this simple mental exercise.  As soon as I committed to simply using the collage I felt relieved, my mind relax and I was able to literally move on. Learning is done through repetition.  I posted this print screen version often before here - #13HappyHalves : Keeping Dreams Alive, and  more than a couple of times on my Instagram account to remind myself of an accomplishment to get myself moving.

My urgent goal today was go out to run the first run  of my new training plan. Run before it got dark. What does my brain came up with to procrastinate? It was literally nagging me that I had to blog first about my plan about running my 21st half-marathon race.  A race that I dread but actually made me excited to train again! Well, as soon as I decided for which half-marathon race, I got motivated to create my new training plan and share it online so I will be accountable!

This is not the post, where I will explain why my brain always comes up with  thoughts, that distracts me  and why I feel compelled to listen to these thoughts, before I do what I actually need to do.

What this blog is all about:

is how I created a draft post of this post (to silence the nagging thoughts!), chatted with a friend online (made myself accountable - on one on one basis!) who was about to go out for a run herself (got and hopefully gave good vibes :D ), and how I was able to go out for a run (the clock showed me, if I hurry, I can still meet my middle daughter on the way!).  The first run towards my goal of running my 21st marathon before the year ends!

An "extra accountability trick",
posted a photo on my IG story, a few seconds after I warmed-up

My reward after a great first kilometer of a total of 5 km run was seeing my daughter, and her volunteering to bike along side me before I can start uttering the words, begging her to do so! hahaha

I'll write more about this run, tomorrow!

The Mystery 1 of The 21!

I am SUPER excited to run my 21st half-marathon. Super excited and super scared!

“The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.”

― Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, 

 This Child Will Be Great: Memoir of a Remarkable Life by Africa's First Woman President

The quote above will be something I will recite like a mantra in the next couple of months.

Putting my goal out there  - ran another half-marathon PR before the year ends! - is a scary thing for me.  I call it a "positive pressure".  Another way of tricking my brain to go out. Going out is necessary to maintain a strong mental health.

In this blog, I will make a list of all my 20 half-marathon races I've ran so far with the consecutive time, I needed to complete each.

It is one of my many baby steps towards the goal. It is also an activity that calms me.  I have something to come back to and focus on, when anxiety and self-doubt arise.

“It's very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not

to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is

against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.”

― George Sheehan

The list will be a reminder, that I am running because of and for my mental health; I want to get better and stronger.  The list will also remind me, how far I have come, and how far I can still go, if I let go of fears.

1. Egmond Halve Marathon 2013 2:52:18
2. CPC Loop Den Haag 2013 2:30:57
3. Luxembourg Night Marathon 2013 2:43:04
4. Vechtloop Weesp 2013 2:35:51
5. Amsterdam Half-Marathon 2013 2:53:21
6. CPC Loop Den Haag 2014 2:46:11
7. Luxembourg Night Marathon 2014 2:44:41
8. CPC Loop Den Haag 2015 2:44:40
9. Bredase Singelloop 2015 2:35:01
10. Egmond Halve Marathon 2016 3:00:23
11. CPC Loop Den Haag 2016 2:43:22
12. Halve van der Haar 2016 2:40:20
13. Marathon Rotterdam (duo-relay) 2016 2:40:07
14. Enschede Marathon 2016 2:29:20
15. Leiden Marathon 2016 2:51:34
16. Slachtemarathon 2016 3:03:15
17. Bredase Singelloop 2016 2:41:52
18. Eindhoven Marathon 2016 2:39:03
19. Amsterdam Half-Marathon 2016 2:39:13
20. Bredase Singelloop 2017 2:28:38
21. ??? 2017 X:XX:XX

I'm still thinking of a hashtag to document this adventure. Any suggestions? 

What are you currently training for? What is on your running calendar this Autumn? Winter 2017-18?

17.10.17

Tuesday

13:59

Celebrating 172!

This post was originally published 

on the Facebook Page 

of Happy Feet in the Netherlands.

07.07.13

This image was shared for the first time in this Running Fish with a Right Brain

A #TBT Story. :)

“People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state--it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle.... Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one's actions."
― Abraham Joshua Heschel

On the 17th of July, 2017, I published my 172nd blogpost, here in Happy Feet in the Netherlands: SimpliFLY Summer.

The blog has been created January, 2012; this was 6 months after I began my adventure with running.

First blogpost was published 15th of January - it was entitled: Starting Line 

So today, 20th of July, 2017, I would like to start a daily TBT to celebrate a documented running life, and countdown as well my upcoming 6th RUNniversary (8th of August!).

Yes, it is 19 days of looking back, on how I focused on moving forward with the help of running and blogging.

If you are a long time follower of my blogging (since 2006!), let me know what Happy Feet in the Netherlands' blogpost(s), particularly left an impression on you. I would be delighted to hear from all of you!

Today's tbt post, is written last October, 2014: Turning My Kryptonite To My Super Powers

The blogpost was originally an entry to a contest to win a TCS Amsterdam Marathon starting number. SPOILER ALERT: I won! There was a plot twist, though. Read (again) to find out! :)

The photo is a TBT as well. It was taken on the 7th of July, 2013. It was the month I got my Morton's Neuroma (injury). This was why I ran for the first time on the beach. I wanted so badly to continue training and running barefoot was the only way I could continue running.  

What I LOVE about blogging is I am reminded of things I could not believe I did! Here, I was off to run what in the end will be 16 km of barefoot running on the sand. Phew! I forgot the distance I ran!  

What I will always remember, thought was how much fun I had and how I forgot about stressing over the goals, that was slipping slowly away from me.

20th of July, 2017

09:58 

'Allo 'Allo!

18.03.17

I was in the poop 

- Officer Crabtree (character from the British sitcom 'Allo 'Allo! )

My Berlin Marathon training is in the middle of Week 10, and before I share the recap of Week 9 and begin the draft for Week 10, I thought I would make a quick, "Hello! How are you all doing!" blogpost. :) I think I will just put this under the category : Random and Happy post!

I've been visiting blogs and FB blog pages, discovering new bloggers on Instagram but I have hardly time and peace to leave behind a sensible comment. So, as usual, I remain a silent reader!

It takes a lot of mental energy to interact with other bloggers on their blogsite, and I admire other bloggers, who could do this.

Even though I know I should not take it all - the process of leaving a comment -  too seriously, I want to always truly know the blogger I am reading before I leave comments.  Sometimes even by the bloggers, I truly know IRL, I struggle to leave a comment behind.

Often I have left, a "I am bookmarking and will read, tonight!" comment and I always worry :D hahaha that the blogger will think I am simply "making a presence", so "their readers" could check my own blog, and I am not genuinely interested in their blogs.

I know, crazy thoughts!!!  Perhaps in the future, when I have less responsibilities, I could blog hop with less over-obsessing. :D

I will feel freeeeeeee!

19.03.17

Taken by my P,
 last Sunday, at kilometre 7
of a total of 12 km
 challenging LDR training.

Behind me is the Netherlands Institute for Sound & Vision

The compromise I thought of is create a blogpost like this and maybe get to know other bloggers.  It is my baby step to NOT over-obsess about the one sentence, I would like to leave behind.  Specially to bloggers I have been reading and following for so long, as a silent reader!

I guess,  this is also my way of inviting my silent readers ;) to leave me a comment behind! Even if it is a simple, "Hi! I read you!"

See, I would not mind reading this, or a "I am bookmarking to read, later!" - I would simply be delighted to get to know my readers. :)

For the bloggers, I visit, I am surmising they would not mind as well.  Or, perhaps when they do check out, who I am, stumble upon this blogpost and discern from it, how complicated my thoughts are, how much I can ramble (and afraid to ramble on their blog with my comment!) hahaha AND they would "get it" - maybe. Maybe affirm they went through the same period!



By the way, I found the quote above from 'Allo 'Allo too  funny and I thought just about summarised my feelings and how my mind was from the very busy weekend before my 45th birthday! Long story for a blog, later.

The picture I have on the very top of this blogpost was taken by my beloved P last week, Saturday. It was before my  quick 4.5 kilometre. I was participating in a challenge hosted by Girls Love 2 Run.  It was about taking pictures during your run with Spring motive.

Today, we have a lovely beautiful Spring day!  I took some pictures to give you the impression of the day.

I love this sculpture called
"Meisje met Ganzen"
Girl with the Geese

Taken on my daily bike route.
It's currently closed for traffic.
Bliss to bike through and have the road all to myself!

This was taken from the floral shop
in the village's shopping centre.
They have a very lovely friendly staff.

I bought flowers in Jumbo, though.
They even gave me (other customers, too!) a free bouquet of mixed buttercups & tulips
because otherwise, they would just be thrown away.

My humble bike and the flowers for the week, home at last.
I am putting this picture, here to remind myself to go back to my water colours, again.
Flowers on the bike is a water colour painting theme I have been visualising in my mind.

Have a great day!

Don't forget to leave a "Hello!" comment below, if you happen upon this blogpost. :)

created 22.03.17 10:46 Wednesday
updated 23.03.17 09:06 Thursday

In Search of Happy Feet

When All Else Fails…

Face the Truth Straight in the Eyes

Two weeks ago, I announced on Happy Feet in the Netherlands FB page, that I will be sharing a blog with the topic, "Where are you going Happy Feet!?!"

It should have been a blog sharing the details of my running calendar after the Summer holidays, my training during the Summer break and what goals I am focusing on.

Alas, I was unable to write it. Alas, I have been unable to run for 17 days now.  Alas, I find myself again, where I was 3 years ago before I begun with running: at the beginning.

“We search for happiness everywhere, but we are like Tolstoy's fabled beggar who spent his life sitting on a pot of gold, under him the whole time. Your treasure--your perfection--is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the buy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

After the Finish lines…

Back to Yourself

There is no other way to say it but simple, direct and honest, "I lost my Happy Feet!" after running my last 10K.

At the finish line
of Stoomtramloop 2014
last 22nd of June
my 7th (of 14 10Ks I would like to run this year) and fastest 10K this year

Almost at the finish line of Vechtloop 2014
my last 10K
before the Summer break
My 8th 10K (6 more 10Ks to go in the pursuit of running a 10K in an hour)
29th of June

Image courtesy of
"Living with Depression" by Deborah Serani FB Page
a page I follow to gain a better perspective of living a life with cycles of depression

Currently, nothing is truly motivating me to take the first step I need to do. 


So, I result to this: confessional blog.  A blog to release thoughts, unearthing in the process what is holding me back.

It is actually nothing, and so many things. 

You know? My same old…same old…  

It is about me hindering myself; it is about me being in my own way.


Reading a blog I saw pass by while on Twitter motivated me to write this blog.  A blog to help myself get going.

Below is the comment I left on that post.

Joanna AsmusJuly 16, 2014 at 6:01 AM

Thanks to your post on Twitter, Katie I was able to read this blog -Blogging & Belonging by Mom's Little Running Buddies (link edited in for this post) . I needed to read your inspiring words, specially today (re-starting my training for Amsterdam marathon).

This is why I love social media, it connects people sharing the same convictions, same passion. In the process empowering each other. It reminds me that social media like anything else when used in moderation and for social good is truly worthwhile.

I used to work in the world of mass media (television, advertising, etc). The freedom of self-expression I feel with blogging is something I have not felt in my profession. I do not want to lose that freedom but do constantly feel the pressure of conforming.

Happily enough, I overcome it every time!

How can we enrich each other's lives if we give up our individuality? This is what I tell myself - my mantra - when I feel doubts and fears over sharing my thoughts, point of view, experiences.

- end of comment -



Often times, the interaction with others (on the web or IRL) are exactly what you need to remind yourself who you are, what you believe in, what you stand for and what your true purpose is.

After finishing my 2nd half-marathon this year
31st of May
Luxembourg 2014

“The human race is a monotonous affair. Most people spend the greatest part of their time working in order to live, and what little freedom remains so fills them with fear that they seek out any and every means to be rid of it.” 

― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, The Sorrows of Young Werther

Who am I? What do I believe in?

Live. Love. Run.

Simple yet made complicated when you deal with bipolar disorder.  When your own mind is your worst enemy.

I refuse to be a victim of my affliction.

I can talk in details about how painful it is to go through each cycle, and how frustrating it is to climb up again after you almost reach the "top" (normal daily existence), and have to pick yourself up from "the deep end"(mental and physical state of paralysis).

But time is better spent than doing that. I learned this the hard way. 

It is challenging, but being positive, seeing the positive of one's life no matter what the circumstances  are, is truly a rewarding and worthwhile endeavor.

Life's quality has enormously improved since I was officially diagnosed of being manic-depressive. 

There is power in having a name for what you are fighting against.  I have fought hard to not give up fighting.

Looking back makes me feel proud of what I have achieved with the help of my family and friends.

My own enemy is myself, and with this knowledge, I am more prepared and equipped to deal with each personal battle. In principle. 

Yet when I am ambushed by myself, by my mind, I remain shaken to the core.

My mind uses "time" as a weapon to make me surrender. 

It tells me I've lost precious time I will no longer be able to regain; it tells me, I do not have time enough to do all the things I need to do, and no matter what I do, I do not have the luxury of time to overcome the challenges of my disorder.

These stream of thoughts have paralyzed me so often in the past.  

Still, I fought, I fight, and I will remain fighting.

I believe exercising the freedom of self-expression and creativity empowers us.  For me personally, they both liberate my mind, body and spirit. I need to exercise both of them, as often as I need physical exercise for my body.

50 meters away from the finish line
in the Olympic Stadium in Amsterdam
during my first 8K
October, 2011
The 8 K was the first real goal
I set
when I finally made the first steps towards my childhood dream
of being a runner
on the 8th of August 2011

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

What do I stand for? What is my purpose?

Live a life of quality in spite of disabilities…empower others to do the same...

This leads me back to the title, to the rhetorical question of the blog I wanted to write  2 weeks ago but could not: "Where are you going Happy Feet!?!"

Recently, I created an account on about.me. I came across this website in 2012, while checking out the profile of someone, who was a prospective team member for my first marathon relay team.

about.me

Back then, I did not feel strong and confident enough to create an account representing, who I am, what I stand for.

It would have been easy just to simply create an account, fill in the blanks like everyone does; it is after all "only" a web page.  But it would not have felt right, I would not have felt genuine since I did not have full conviction behind the words: runner, blogger, mental health advocate, then,  as I do now.

Expressing it now and not then is just perfect.

I love running, and the power it has to consistently change my life for the better.

My love for running is even deeper through the knowledge, that in my simple ways, I change the life of others as well.

Wear your smile, wear your shoes and find your OWN happy! 

I do not want to forget that I  run and write about running for people like me.

People like me, who would like to run long distances but are already happy, when they can bring themselves to be outdoors.  

During depressive cycle the distance between the sofa and the front door can be an ultra-distance.

People like me, who would like run fast but are already happy, when they can finish a race within the time limit.  

Running within the time limit is fast for those, who've overcome depressive cycle; it is like being Usain Bolt on world record breaking day.

People like me, who would like to run to be amongst others who share the passion. 

Running in with other fellow runners to experience the sense of belonging, specially when your mind tries to imprison you again, and again, and again…

People like me, who will never give up, and need others to remind them that their is strength in the spirit.

So, where am I going? On the road to completely accepting myself, my individuality, and inspiring others to do so themselves - embrace their uniqueness, with all the flaws and all that potential to be the best that they can be.  

These thoughts, the released and yet to be released gives me strength to lace up my shoes.

- Edit 17.07.14 After writing this blog, I created Happy Feet'S Miles blog. 

This blog is an idea I had since the beginning of this year -  blog about my effort to be fit and healthy in a journal form, separate from this blog.  

I aim to help and motivate others, as I personally hope, that my journaling will help and motivate myself.  

I would like to use this blog to hold myself accountable for all my actions, and to aid me in being consistent with pursuing my goals. 

Most of all have a clear document for myself in times of mental struggle to see things objectively.  

Why another (running) blog and how is it different from Happy Feet in the Netherlands, and Happy Feet of a Couch Potato?  While the latter former would be a "magazine", and the latter would be a (draft of the) "book" of my running life, Happy Feet'S Miles would be the "journal".

Each one serves a purpose, and it gives my mind the freedom it needs, and not feel restricted.  My spirit and body are free, when my mind is free...

This afternoon, I wrote the first post.  It is through writing, "In Search of Happy Feet…" that I was able to make the next step… -

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