Turning My "Kryptonite" To My Super Powers

Dam tot Damloop
This was my slowest 10M (16K) but I was happy that I could run again; it felt like flying!
 2014

If there is time travel, and you would go back in time to tell the 10-12 year old me, that I would finish not one but 3 marathons within a year and a half of running - as a 40-41 y.o. woman! - I think I would fall over on the spot, and not live to see the marvelous days  from sheer shock!

July 2013 @  Wijk aan Zee 
07.07.13
I ran barefoot on the beach for the first time in my life
 because of the foot pain I experienced, when I was training with the wrong shoes for my Autumn races.
Later on, I will be diagnosed with Morton Neuroma.
An injury, which taught me a lot of important running and non-running lessons!

One of my most favorite race photo
because it is evident here that I have joy in running,
and no more hang-ups wearing shorts; it was a fear I had since I was a little girl.
Taken a year and a month after I started running

Between the age of 10-12 years old, I was severely terrified of sports, terrified of wearing shorts (because of a scar!), and I fell over often that I did not even run just for the fun of it - the way I experience my 3 daughters (6, 12, and 15 years old respectively) do it!

Next week, it would be the 39th edition of the TCS Amsterdam Marathon.


This event is very significant to me; it is the event that finally got me out of the door running.  Well, it got me out of the door walking with my very old running shoes!

The last 50 meters of my first 8K! 

My first training day for my first 8K run, was an 8K walk; I went out of the door, pushing the jogger of my  (almost 4 year old) daughter, in front of me.


It seemed appropriate  to vigorously walk the distance I will eventually run in order to get over the anxiety I was having over the goal I set for myself.

On the 8th of August 2011, I walked an 8K with my daughter in her jogger.

I vowed on the first day of my training to document everything,
as much as I can of my "late in my years running adventure"!
Until now, I am very grateful I made and keeping making the effort.

I was 39 y.o. then, separated.  Once again I found myself in yet another foreign country - beginning a new life, this time, in a loving and nurturing relationship.

At this  point, I've lived in Holland for 2 years.  Life is good, stable and going in a positive direction but I was still experiencing severe cycles of my bipolar disorder.

From my previous therapy with a clinical psychiatrist, I knew that I had to take charge of my disorder  or it will take charge of my life.

At the marathon expo a day before my first 8K!

October, 2011

Going outdoors, being physically  active, participating and engaging in community & social activities, were just some of the things I had to maintain to get myself out of the prison of my own mind.

Left to right:
Berlin Marathon 2011
Paris Marathon 2013
Luxembourg HM 2013
(I became the face of this HM!)

August 2011 - October 2014,  3 unforgettable running years:


from finishing my first 5K, 20 days after  that significant 8K walk with the jogger in front of me, to running back to back marathons (3 weeks apart) a year after, and finishing in Paris marathon half a year later.

Family and friends started calling me: "Super Woman! Super Mom!"

I felt elated and embarrassed at the same time.

It was not until I decided to write with more self-conviction, no shame and more transparency about my mental disorder, that I felt genuinely deserving of the praise.

I coined my journey: The Story of Slow.

I do not run marathons to beat time, I run marathons to beat anxiety, depression, panic attacks and to tame my mania.

My marathon motivation is to help others empower themselves.

My fear has become my power. I do what I fear.

Mostly, I do them with my running shoes!

NTC live class 
in Carré
September, 2014

Posbankloop 
October, 2014

Singelloop Breda

After a year of struggle with my Morton Neuroma,
I finally ran the fastest 10K for this year!
#NEVERGiveUP!

My TCS Amsterdam Marathon in a collage
hopefully next week
I will be able to add another race/finish line photo
from this event.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE ON THIS BLOGPOST 04.11/10.11.14 (  a bit late!) This is a blog I wrote, in the hopes, that my story will win me a starting bib on the 2014 TCS Amsterdam Marathon.  It did!

Follow up blogpost on this story coming up soon, together with the story of why I am running the marathon again in Amsterdam, next year. :)

8/100

This blogpost has been updated 
on the 20 of July, 2017 08:54

Running Fish with a Right Brain

Yes, I am still here! Still logging daily thoughts (albeit most of them stays in draft mode!) while the days to the culmination of #BAM2013 (running three consecutive marathons, commencing with Berlin Marathon in September, followed by Amsterdam Marathon in October, and closing with a Mystery Marathon in December) nears.

Why oh why can I not simply be like everyone else and aspire one goal at a time?! >.<

I can give you several reasons, some of which I've written in previous blog posts.

But why am I like this?! And furthermore, why do I find reasons to justify crazy actions.

Well, perhaps it has something to do with my Piscean Personality (source: Wikipedia):

Part of the Anatomical Man by Limbourg brothers.

Although there is no scientific basis for characterizing personality traits from date of birth, Western astrologers assert that Pisceans are perceptive, emotional,^[44][73] and reasonable.^[74] Pisceans are also said to desire reasoning for all actions, and are always capable of giving a reason.^[74] Notorious for being highly sensitive,^[75][65][76] they are also said to be desperately afraid of ridicule,^[75] as the sign is deemed "unfortunate."^[65][77][42] Pisces are a mutable sign, which makes them susceptible to change.^[49] Similarly, Pisces is classified as a "common sign," making them flexible and vacillating in nature.^[78] As a bicorporeal sign, astrologists believe that events in Pisceans lives are prominently repeated, suggesting that they may marry several times and that misfortunes never come singly. However according to astrologer Max Heindel, the Piscean's "good fortune also comes in multiple."^[72]

Conforming to the traditional astrological belief of the dual nature of the Piscean, in part seeking enlightenment in the "unseen realm,"^[57] they are said to be "dreamy, mystical, and artistic."^[79][80] Edgar Cayce, an alleged psychic, has been cited as an example of such a Piscean.^[79] It is also been said that Pisceans are the quietest among the twelve zodiacal signs, and that they are good workers.^[80] In line with their association with feet, Pisceans have been described as being "never quite satisfied when sitting," preferring to be standing or walking.^[80]

Last weekend, I ran for the first time on the beach - 16 kilometers of barefoot running.

this Nike+ screen shot of my running stats,  and the two below were belatedly edited in this blogpost
21st of July, 2017

Today, 21st of July, I revisited the run stats
of my first ever barefoot beach run
from 7th of July, 2013

Since Nikeplus app has been updated a lot of times,
 the "beach" no longer shows as option, this is why I edited the ground I ran on, as "trail" 

I have to add here, that in 2013, after finish Paris Marathon in Spring, I was slowly working on my speed.

In this particular run, I did pause my run. I can't tell you though, how often, and how long.

Since my family was waiting for me to finish my run, I have to say, I was under time pressure.  A lot has changed in our lives and looking back makes me even more humbled and grateful for the support my family has given me in the pursuit of my goals.

Thoughts recorded - 21.07.17

The family trip was as spontaneous as the long distance run.

It should not have surprised me - I am a Piscean, who loves water! -  that I enjoyed it tremendously, but it did. (link to that experience will be added here)!

Since I begun relatively late (I was 39 years old when I ran my first 5K) with running, I admittedly went about it too enthusiastically - leading to the last 23 months of manic participation to a lot of running events.

There is nothing wrong with enthusiasm in principle but what I have learned, whether running or living life, everything should be in balance and in moderation for the experience to be fully enjoyed.

Doing too little and you miss out in reaching your full potention, doing too much can burn you out!

I always ping pong between the two extremes, not quite finding balance, and not quiet learning how to do things in moderation.

Life is an adventure and a learning process. I am running to make sure I keep on having the spirit of adventure, and bring home importatn life lessons clearly and quickly to my mind.

Aaaaah, this brings us to my mind!

As if I suddenly acquired a  clear line of communication with the universe; it is supplying me with answers to my fears, doubts and insecurities regarding running, specifically how to deal with mind blocks, mental barriers regarding running.

Most of the articles I've read recently also mentioned how the left side of brain (responsible for logic) can affect training.  In this blog, I read, the would be marathoner is telling it's left brain to just put a lid on it's nagging, and letting the right brain (intuition) be more loud and clear with it's motivation!

I'm basically a right brainer.  But my oh my I do own a loud and nagging left brain!

I guess, this is why I should not only be more consistent with my running but more consistent in blogging. Sharing my creative ways of dealing with my left brain!

Blogs, FB posts, and tweets make sure that I am holding myself accountable for the training I need to do to make sure that I not only survive #BAM2013 but have fun with this adventure.

Others may have a different, more conventional way of approaching their training but I should not be ashamed of how I approach my own training, which is resulting in all my blogs ending in draft modes!

If a (an accidental!) doodle of fish  is one of those many quirky things, which will motivate me to go out, then by all means, I should own up to it.

My Fish Run for Sunday 14.07.13. :D

Most of the time, you find out that you are not alone with your point of view in life. But you won't find out if you don't share first!

A photo that my  solesister Eva of Little Eve is Trying to Grow-Up, wordlessly shared to me via PM, after I shared the route of my run today! :D

This blogpost has been updated 
on the 21st of July, 2017 12:37