Thursday, January 29, 2015

Thoughtful Thursday 1: Marathons & Marriage in My Mind

There are dates in life, that are imprinted in our minds forever.

When life is very busy though, you catch yourself surprised, that you completely forget the significance of the day.

Today, I almost did.

21 years ago, I got married in Germany.  21 years later,  no anniversary would be celebrated.   After 13 years, the marriage ultimately reached it's end.

My life began yet again, this time in the Netherlands, a couple of weeks before Spring 2009.  A couple of weeks before my 37th birthday.  A couple of years before I began running (Summer of 2011).

I never thought I will share all that, here.

There might have been vague references, here and there.  Specially in my other blog (My Daily Mooosings in the Netherlands) but I never articulated it as I did, this time.

A lot of things have changed since I started running.  Changes took slowly on at first, and as my pace accelerated - as I ran more - so did the pace of changes in my life.

Why am I sharing all these, now?

Well, I think I can't go on further with blogging about running, if I am not going to be honest about this status in my life.  I also think, the more I write here about  issues I face and still need to face, the more it will help me run better.

Running helps me get stronger, healthier and most importantly keeps me sharply focused on what matters most in life.  Running gives me the balance & structure, I need.  These are just some of the few reasons why, I will make sure I can keep doing it.

I will not go into personal details of my issues but I feel it is sufficient enough to share what I find others can identify with but seldom can openly write or talk about.

The breakdown of my marriage is not the main reason I begun running.  Dealing with the aftermath was a catalyst.

Broken marriage, it's end, is like mourning the death of a love one.

Training for my first marathon helped me mourn.

It was for this reason, that I chose to run Berlin & Amsterdam Marathon back to back.  Both cities symbolized my connection to Europe.  Why I am here.

The road to both marathons led me back to who I am before I married, before I fulfilled my dream of living a life in Europe.

All my races were a step to embracing, who I really am.

Sometimes on the way to fulfilling dreams, you lose yourself.

It takes a completely whole set of new dreams - dreams you never even imagine you can fulfill to bring you back to yourself.

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If I can run, so can you: big dreams are reached with baby steps!