Why We DO IT Wednesday: 5 Weeks of Training and A Very Important Trip

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Yesterday, I was feeling very motivated to run but because I ran 3 consecutive days in a row, I "forced" myself to not give in to the "running addiction" motivation.

Running is a gift. I have to smile at the end of every training because of gratefulness; I can run again and again because I am physically healthy.

When I finished my run last Monday, I was extremely happy and grateful. It was the culmination of 3 runs in a row:

Saturday, 18th of February: 5.50 km easy to warm up for Sunday's first two digit long distance run
Sunday, 19th of February: 10 km easy build up
Monday, 20th of February: 5 km shake out run.

They are mini- run successes worthy of a huge smile! 

I  rarely have "a  triumphant trio run" of this kind. I did not plan it but I have been wishing it will happen during my Berlin marathon training, naturally. Hopefully more of this simple triumphs will come in the next weeks!

I need the rest, and have to wait and stick it out with  the plan for Berlin Marathon 2017: build up slowly, work on being strong, stay focused on why I am running Berlin and BE in the process. No rush. No living it up for short-lived rewards.

"Bloom through the concrete!"

My Berlin Marathon 2017 training mantra!

This morning, I woke up early and stood up right after my husband kissed me goodbye and left for work.  I half-heartedly ate a just on the edge of being ripe banana and drank coffee (yup, the coffee I was trying to give up!) to wake up my sluggish body even though my mind was already in manic mode.

I mentioned my wish to give up coffee
during Training Week 1, 2, 3

My compromise, drink at least 1-2 mugs  a week.

When I looked outside, there was a twinge of regret that I resisted yesterday's urge to run!  The sky is overcast and my motivation metaphorically hid behind the clouds of self-sabotaging negative thoughts and anxiousness over this week's trip.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” 
― Lao Tzu

I meditate on the power of these wise words and the memory of a great trip to Hamburg, Autumn 2015

I am munching on a peanut butter sandwich as I write this blogpost.  Hopefully, after I finished this blog, my sandwich has settled and I can run; this process (decluttering my mind) is my way of being pro-active and banishing all these negative thoughts and energy, which threaten to drown me.

No one can help me out of these debilitating anxiety attacks but myself.  The more I expect "help", "miracle", "impulse" to come from the outside, the more I am wrought by inner-pain.  I've been here - the cycle of falling in a hole, climbing out of it - a thousand times to know: the feeling will disappear, the moment will pass and strength will be gained, when I continuously face the situation I dread, the many unknowns, that I fear.



The trip would mean a lot to the process of stabilising my mental health.  It is one little step of many for this year.  When I reach the proverbial finish line, I can focus on taking good care of my family, my health, working, studying and enjoying our simple life, here in the Netherlands.

Motivation, are you there yet?! :)

Looking back at the weekly recap of Berlin Marathon training,  I am filled with a sense of quiet fulfillment and a deep sense of pride.  I am focused.  I am determined.  I am not giving up! I will continue to steadfastly work on running strong and have fun in the process.

My reward: I get a chance to run in Berlin again, 5 years after I finished my first marathon successfully.  It's symbolic for all the many chances I get in life again and again. Chances I do not take for granted.

Are we running, today? Heck yeah!

UPDATED 22.02.17 23:06, Wednesday

Yeah! :D

2013: A Year of Thanks. A Positive Year.

A personal gift from K. of Lunatik Athletiks

 “We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”
― Herman Melville

Today, after lunch our youngest, excitedly brought in the mail.

She loves bringing in the mail.  With twinkle in her eyes, she announced, "Christmas cards!" as she held out with her little hands envelopes of assorted sizes and colours.

One of them was from Kelly of  Lunatik Athletiks whom I met via social media channels and worked together with for  #Crazy4Running campaign.

Her season's greetings (and the very thoughtful gift!!!!!!!!!) was extra special for me because through her generous spirit and lovely gesture, she gave me the a sign I was searching for.

(Excerpt of what was written in K's Holidays greetings below:

The bracelet is made of red agate, yellow tiger eye, and blue agate.

Tiger eye is a very protective stone.  It has powerful, dynamic energy with a watchful quality.

Tiger eye can help clear confusion and attract a more clear and balanced state of mind.

The Hamsa hand charm: draws positive energy, happiness, riches and health.

Wishing you the Best Christmas & a blessed Holiday. )

A snapshot of me wearing the bracelet to mark and preserve the special occasion.
If you look closely on the left side of the picture are the happy toes of our youngest.
It made me smile, and I thought I should leave it, and not edit it out. :)

I have been strongly contemplating on giving up blogging, social media and the internet in general for  the last couple of months.

There are numerous reasons why I felt the strong need to do this.  One single powerful reason, which have kept me going, in sharing my struggles and triumphs for the world to read:

I want to contribute in making a positive change in the world, in my own simple way; I know I am not alone,  through the people I have met, and continue to meet. People who makes a positive difference in life, in their own simple way. People who gives one hope that the world is a brighter place with them in it.

These people are long time friends, or friends I met only recently but feel deep connection with, who I feel I have known all my life.   Many of them, I am limited to staying in touch online because oceans, or continents separates us.  The internet magically keeps us connected.

Having them in my life is a constant positive reminder to focus on the good things life brings.  They give me strength to face and let go of the not so positive things, that belongs to life, too.

2013. A most challenging year to date has been a positive year thanks to all the positivity of these people.

People like me, who deals with manic depression can easily fall into isolation. Thanks to the positive power of the internet, these situation has become less and less for me through the years.

Internet (blogging, writing, sharing) + running = Happy Feet. :)

A collage of gratefulness and empowerment.

Today, I also received something very positive in my regular email  from Runner's World. I took it as another positive sign, showing the path for 2014. The message is one of my most favourite quote:

Motivation, I believe comes from something powerful from within  all of us (our belief in ourselves, in our strength), and from without (positive people, meaningful events), if we let them be a part of us.

Running Bruggenloop 2013

Blogging  helps me in creating and keeping good habits. It keeps me focused.

The people that came into my life through blogging reminds me of this, specially at times I need it most.

Berlin Marathon 2012

I thank each and everyone of you, whom I've met before I started blogging (you planted seed of positivity in me), whom I met through blogging (you remind me of the positive spirit) and who I have yet to meet ( you make me look forward with hope).

Thank you for inspiring, and keeping the inspiring spirit alive.

Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year full of positive energy!